“Not Good to Be Alone” — Companionship, Singleness, and Belonging

By Dr. Brandon Steenbock, Family MinisterGenesis 2:18–25; 1 Corinthians 7:7–9The brakes on the bus squealed and we lurched to a stop. I watched as a few people got off, a few others got on. I sat alone on a seat near the back, headphones on, music filling my ears. No one acknowledged me, and I didn’t acknowledge anyone.It was a lonely year. I was attending the University of Washington, a school of forty thousand people, and I don’t think anyone even knew my name. I was anonymous. And I carried this longing in my heart: I wanted so much to find a girl whom I could love and who would love me back, and we could build a life together. I imagined this to be the cure to my loneliness.Is marriage the cure to loneliness? In Genesis 2, God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” We bear the image of the Triune God—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—an eternal communion of love. No wonder we crave connection. God promises to make “a helper suitable” for the man—a phrase that doesn’t mean “assistant,” but a strong counterpart fit for him—and he brings the woman to the man. The first marriage is born.So, is marriage the answer? Yes… and no.Read further and you meet 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul honors singleness. He doesn’t call marriage bad; he says it introduces divided concerns—good concerns!—that pull attention. Singleness, for some, becomes a blessing of undivided devotion to the Lord.So, is marriage a cure for loneliness or not? After two decades of marriage, I’ve learned that it is and it is not. It is a blessing that I have a forever friend and a consistent connection. But the world is fallen, and relationships are messy. Sometimes we’re fighting, or busy, or traveling apart, or just ships passing in the night. Even with a forever friend, the loneliness is still there.I’ve learned I need more than romance. I need friends. I need the church. I need people—beyond my wife—for conversation, burden-sharing, and the quiet presence that tells me I’m known and loved. When God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone,” his first gift was marriage, but not his only gift. He envisioned a people—a family—where the widowed, the single, the married, and the once-married belong to one another.But even friends come and go. Relationships change. Church communities fluctuate. As good as those friendships are, the loneliness still creeps in sometimes.

We all need a deeper, more consistent source of human connection. Marriage isn’t the ultimate cure to loneliness, and even friendship isn’t. But the God who became human is. Jesus became one of us and promises that he will be with us always, even to the end of all things. (Matthew 28:20). Jesus is the human connection that never leaves. Whether you’re married or not, whether your friends are close or far away, whether your day-to-day life is full of people, or you just feel like an anonymous face in a crowd, Jesus knows you. He sees you. He is with you. 

“It is not good for man to be alone.” True. And thank God he gives us things like marriage and friendship and the community of the church to meet our need for connection. Even more, thank him for the connection we find in Jesus, our true Forever Friend. Practice: If loneliness has you by the throat, take one small step this week—text a friend to pray, linger after worship to meet a new face, join a small group, invite someone for coffee. And if you’re not lonely, look around. Ask the Lord to show you the person he wants you to notice.Prayer: Jesus, some days I can feel so lonely. Thank you for the people you have put in my life to help me with my loneliness. Help me to see that even when there is no one else, you are still there for me. Help me find peace in my connection with you. Amen.Reflect: